In Honor

Heartbreakingly beautiful!

Oh, sometimes I think that I’m so done with tragic books.

They break me in a way nothing else does. They tear my heart apart, splitting it into a million pieces for the wind to blow away.

I love them and hate them with the power of hurricanes because they get to me in such ways that they are even able to make me cry, but I can seem to be able to stay away from them and it all comes down to me finding another wonderful story to lock into my heart forever.

I wish I could put into words how wonderful this story really was for me.

How the happy moments made me smile, and the achy feeling made my eyes tear of emotion, how I wished for Honor to have her wishes come true, how I wanted for her and Rus (her old best friend) to find a middle way and to enjoy their time together…

Oh how I wished for them to see all the beauty life could bring to them; to enjoy all the things Honor’s brother (Finn) never could or would again.

They never intended to take this trip together, but in his honor and with their hearts broken, somehow Honor and Rus went on a journey to fulfill his last wish. Well, technically it wasn’t really his last wish, but for Honor this was the only way to feel close to him again… Trying to do something for him made her pain a bit more bearable, and the goodbye so much more personal.

“There’s a big world out there and I’m seeing it now
— the good and the bad.
And you will too. Have a few adventures while you’re out there. Put your feet in the ocean. Watch the stars disappear into morning. Then when I get back we’ll compare notes.”

The reason for this trip was simple: Honor needed to say goodbye in her own way. All that comes next is complicated, because she needs to learn how to live her life without her brother – to see the stars melt in the morning light, to put her feet in the ocean, to see some music star and tell her about her brother (even though she doesn’t know what to say, even though it sound crazy)…

Because this is what people do when someone’s gone – they take to heart everything they were said, even if it was a joke; because when the pain is just too strong you need something, anything to hold on to, you need something to remind you how to breath, how to move, how to live.. You need a path to follow, and you would follow any guidelines you might find.

Sometimes Honor felt like all that nightmare wasn’t real.

Sometimes she woke up and everything seemed fine but only for an instant – until she remembered.

I know that feeling that chokes you, I know how it is to lose someone dear to you, I know how it breaks you, I know how you would do every stupid thing in the entire world to feel like you are close to that person for just one more moment. I know how it is to wish that you could at least have said good bye, and any insignificant gesture can be important enough for you if you make it in someone’s honor..

But Finn’s death didn’t break only Honor’s heart. His best friend Rusty was as angry and confused. They were both so full of sadness and anger, they needed to blame their pain on something, on someone… And so they got off on the wrong foot.
In her pain Honor was mean to him, in his anger he was being a jerk to her, and as the story unfolded i just waited for them to figure it out and realize that they can enjoy this time together instead of having cute fights over mostly nothing.

I wanted to reach to them, to give them a big hug and try somehow to take their pain away. I wanted to plead to them to be nice to each other, because sometimes all you need is someone to share the weight of your pain with.. and maybe they weren’t the best company posible, but at least they were not alone, at least they still had each other.

 I liked to see them come around through the story and realize that they were still friends, that they need each other, that they still care about one another, that there’s a whole history between them that they can’t forget. I loved to see that it wasn’t just Finn holding them together, because their friendship was real.

So, yes.. it broke my heart many times but I still loved this book. It was like the other side of the story from Something Like Normal (if you get to read both books you will know what I mean by this).
Note: Also you might like Saving June, as the storyline is quite similar.

I hope that you will enjoy it as well and it won’t break too much your heart!
Happy midnight reading!

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